Milwaukee Women Leaders Association Chapter Meeting: Managing Work/Life Balance

Good afternoon. I'm Sandra Mason, director of public relations for the Association of Equipment Manufacturers. Uh, AEM is a 127year-old trade organization that works to advance off-road equipment manufacturers in the global marketplace. Really, our passion is to not only see those businesses succeed, but really to create a community where we as an industry can make positive and lasting change. AEM based right here in Milwaukee, Wisconsin is a 1,000 plus member strong and growing organization. We represent 200 plus product lines in the construction, agriculture, utilities, forestry, and mining space. You know, and I'd really like to thank the Milwaukee Women's Leadership Summit for inviting me to share some insights I have about work life balance as we emerge from the pandemic. Um, I greatly appreciate your your time today and and hopefully you'll be able to pick up some things from my chat. Next slide, please. Like many of you, I've been working virtually since March 2020. In fact, I was in Las Vegas, Nevada for our premier trade show, KXO Kane, when the world essentially shut down. Now, my initial reaction was, okay, we get two weeks to work from home and we'll be back to normal. Well, two weeks turned into two months, which turned into the end of summer, then the end of the year, etc., etc. And I'm sure most of you have a very similar story to that. Now, with that uncertainty for me came a host of other issues that have actually been ongoing for quite some time. Unlike many people participating in this conference, I did not have to help a child with school work, and I am so thankful for that. uh Selena and uh other uh other panelists who who might have kids at home, give yourselves a pat on the back. Uh however, uh next slide, please. I am the primary caregiver for my 84year-old mother who while in independent living throughout most of the pandemic does not drive. Uh, she also fails to grasp the concept that while I'm home, I am working and I can't drop everything to bring her grand puppies over to see her or to bring her Starbucks. And then there's my 19-year-old daughter who lives in Lexington and attends the University of Kentucky. Uh, Lizzie is an adult, and I'm saying that in air quotes some of the time, and other times, she also cannot understand why I don't want to chat in the middle of the day on a Tuesday or why I don't come to see her. There's my husband, Lynn, who I discovered I don't have any recent pictures of who took an early buyout from AT&T in 2019 and only works very part-time and spends the rest of his days working on things that make him happy. And he can't fathom why I don't drop everything to run up to the family cabin that is 4 hours away and currently does not have high-speed internet so I can help him with maintenance on the place when he needs help. And of course, there is everything that is still going on at work. Next slide, please. And then there is me, who seemed to feel the need to stretch myself too thin, making sure everyone else is okay and doing way too much for everyone else during this pandemic, much to the detriment of my own mental and physical well-being. And I'm sure this is a similar story for for others that are listening here. Now, next slide, please. Uh this summer I found myself in a situation where I needed to make a change, but I felt blocked as in 10-ft tall cement walls lined with barbed wire kind of blocks. You know, I was struggling to find peace with where I was at in my life's journey. I had no idea where I was, how I got here, or how to get out. How was I here? What could I have done differently? Why me? Why now? It was, you know, one heck of a midlife crisis and this flipping pandemic and all the restrictions that are being placed upon us really did not help this situation. I kept telling myself that it couldn't be true and if I didn't accept my situation that it wouldn't be true. And then I told myself that if I didn't accept my situation, it would simply change just like that. Next slide, please. Then I bought a puppy because that would distract me enough to help my state of being and give me something to do after the pandemic. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. While completely adorable, little Lita May needed to be broken, crate trained, and taught basic manners. My dog, my responsibility, I was stuck in this vicious cycle of shouldas and wouldas and ruminating about what was and really what could have been. Next slide, please. What was holding me back was the idea that I was in a situation I never thought I would find myself in. Really never not once, not in a million years. I'm working from home. I'm caring for my mom and her needs. I'm I'm trying to parent my daughter 600 miles away who sometimes wants a mom and sometimes doesn't. I was also coddling my husband in his feudal attempt to find a job that would really fit his newfound semi-retired lifestyle. I also still had the lingering effects of a stroke I had in 2017 and a knee injury from a car accident in 2019. I was fighting something that already happened. Um, you know, but the battle is over. You know, my mom's house was failing. My daughter was still acting like an adult when it was convenient and running to me when it wasn't. My husband sure as heck was not applying for any meaningful type of employment. And I was still overweight with no energy and severe pain and now a new puppy to deal with. And at the time we had a pending deadline for return to work at my organization. Trying to fight, you know, those battles was really preventing me from putting the resources and l little energy I had into fighting the battle that was here. You know, I needed to surrender and fully accept the situation I found myself in despite not wanting to be in such situation. Next slide, please. So, what did I do? I raised the white flag. And although I accepted my reality, instead of fighting it, I started to work with it and then through it. Next slide, please. So now a few words of wisdom from someone who is still in the midst of said battle. It's hard. It hurts. You will hate it. It's not fair. But the acceptance of what is will cause you a lot less suffering than the thought that it shouldn't be. Now, everyone has something in their life they want to change. Whether it's saving more, eating better, getting off of social media more, or finding balance as we emerge into really this new normal. Next slide, please. Now, there are tons of books, videos, and podcasts out there promising to help you achieve your goals, but many people are still struggling to make real change. Now, one of the biggest mistakes I think people make when attempting to change their lives is trying to find one magic solution. Now, last summer, I had actually Googled the phrase thriving in the new normal. And I came across an article that I book bookmarked on my computer, you know, and I actually pulled it up when researching this keynote and found the information to still be relevant a year later. It was written by a woman by the name of uh Charmaine Wong who's a senior clinical psychologist at the Institute of Mental Health and it appeared in a publication called In My Mental Health. Next slide, please. In the article, she reminds us that with crisis comes opportunity and she outlined 10 ways you can shape your new normal and thrive with resilience. This was when we were really in the midst of the pandemic. What really resonated with me is that we are all faced with the decision on how we wish to thrive and we can tap into the concept of emotional resilience. You know, the ability to adapt well and bounce back from adverse experiences. So, her list included, you know, learn from the past. Learning from the past obviously helps you prepare for the future. focusing on past experiences and sources of personal strengths can help you learn how strategies for building resilience really might work for you. Second one is acknowledge the present. It is normal to experience distress as you make sense of this change. You're not alone. Recognize that this is also an opportunity for reflection and really renewal. The third one is redesign your life. this is what I want it to do. Proactively organize activities around what we care about. You know, kind of facilitates a sense of control and helps reduce uncertainty by building a consistent struct structure into each day. You know, I love what I do at my my job. And then I obviously got a puppy and I was able to, you know, do training with her, but I really didn't do anything beyond beyond that. So the next thing is four, troubleshoot. Identify your stressors. You know, discern if they are modifiable. Um, and uh, you know, I mean, modifiable stressors are ones that are defined as, you know, they they're important and achievable and immediate and can be resolved with a course of action next hours, days, weeks, sometimes months. Number five is keep things in perspective. How we think about a situation can also affect how we feel and cope. Our perspectives are often biased um by imperfect information that is really presented to us. The next one is environment matter matters. You know your physical surroundings can have an impact on your sense of well-being. You know spending time with nature has been shown to improve emotional resilience and mental well-being. Next one is attend to your body. You know, most of us are familiar with the basic principles of of caring for ourselves. Balanced diet, rich in fruits and vegetables, hydrate, exercise, regular sleep, relax, etc., etc. However, when stressed, it is easy to neglect it and turn and really turn to unhealthy habits such as consuming excessive alcohol, quarantine snacks, caffeine, you know, indulging in addictive behaviors, you know, such as gambling or lots of online shopping like we did during the pandemic and and way too much social media surfing. While these coping mechanisms may give us temporary relief from stress and boredom, they they can really have a negative um longer term consequences. Next one is nurture a harmonious home. You know, we really need to uh reestablish ground rules for cohabitating, create new routines for the family as a whole and include, you know, the kids to make sure they have a sense of ownership and communicate often with openness, respect, empathy, and appreciation. And I hope many of you out there did this because I did not. Next one is connect. Connect to people who you love and those who you are missing. While doing so, you always have to try and open up and share your feelings. Take it slow and avoid unhelpful comparisons. Identify your social network of friends, family, colleagues, um you know, and use it to get support whether emotional or practical. and really offer your support as well as your encouragement. You know, I think you might be surprised at how good this could make you feel. The last one was mindful self-compassion. Uh this is really about treating yourself with care and understanding rather than harsh jud harsh judgment. I mean seeing your experience as part of a larger human experience rather than abnormal and not suppressing or running away from your experience. I obviously did not take this information to heart last summer. Next slide, please. Now, many of us are creatures of habit who dislike change. Our world may never return to how we used to know it. Our best bet striving ahead is really to to design our own new normal, one that we may thrive in. You know, I didn't take the advice that this article provided until late fall 2020. In looking at everything, I found that I couldn't do do all that I wanted to do because I had no energy to do it. Everything really was a chore. It exhausted me and I was in pain. Now, I'm not a psychologist or psychotherapist or therapist or counselor of any other type of person who actually really helps people through big life changes. I'm just a 50some yearear-old who has read a lot of business and self-help books. and I decided to take a more strategic approach to obtaining the life I wanted, more of a business approach. In order to achieve change, it really depends on what's standing in your way. I decided tackling the biggest hurdle that needed to be overcome. It wasn't my mom. It wasn't my daughter. It wasn't my marriage. And it certainly wasn't the puppy. Next slide, please. I looked at my life objectively and actually figured out a plan to change things. I wanted to change. Why? Because I want things to be different as we emerge from this pandemic. Next slide, please. But it all had to start one thing. That's me. Just change to the next one, please. Thank you. I mean, I really was my own biggest hurdle. Next slide, please. In December, I finally opted to tackle the biggest barrier that I could control, what I put in my mouth every day, not just a diet. I started looking at food really more as fuel to help me physically and mentally deal with my personal challenges. I figured, what do I have to lose? I still have to eat. I'm not here to sell you some supplements or sign you up in some sort of multi-level healthcare marketing business. That's that's not me. I just want to share with you what worked for me. And after a great deal of research and consulting with the dietitian that I was referred to by my doctor, for me it was clean eating. Now clean eating has been a trend for about past decade. You know, although there's no official definition of just what clean eating means, it's more of a dietary approach than a specific diet. Although quite a number of cookbooks have spun off of the trend. My idea of clean eating was nutritious diets based on fruits, vegetables, beans, whole grains, healthy fats, plants, and animal-based proteins while reducing sugar and ultrarocessed foods. No cultlike extremism or avoiding entire food groups. Drinking half my body weight in ounces of water daily. And I write down everything I put into my mouth and uh good oldfashioned calorie tracking. Now with the help of an app, of course. Next slide, please. The results consistently eating clean uh foods has really filled me with with plentiful vitamins and minerals, high quality protein, healthy fats, which all improve heart and brain health, build a stronger immune system, and increase energy levels as well as weight management. What has that meant for me? Well, it started lots of energy to do what I need to do and what I want to do. My vegetable garden this year is massive. My flower beds are gorgeous and my rambunctious puppy is turning into a model canine citizen. In fact, last night we started agility agility classes. And let me tell you, the handler has to move as much as the dog. I would not have been able to do this last summer. My knee pain from my accident averages about a three on a scale of 1 to 10. And the constant tingling and weakness on my left side that I have been experiencing for the past four years after my stroke has almost dissipated. I have a much clearer mental state and my health journey is a little over halfway to my goal. And as I'm feeling better, I continue to take on things that I need to do and want to do. Next slide, please. Now, if you come away from my talk with nothing else, here are a few few things I hope you remember and implement in your life when trying to find balance as we emerge from this pandemic. Now first of all take advantage of the fresh start effect. Now what is that? Basically it's this idea that there are specific moments in life where people embark on something new and are more motivated to change. Now there are moments throughout our lives when we feel like we're facing a chapter break or a new beginning. You know it could come from a major life event like a new job or moving to a new home or it could be something as small as the start of a week. Now these fresh starts provide a break from the old you. Now fresh starts are really a potent motivator and really effective if we can use them as a springboard towards change. You know as the world begins to emerge from the pandemic. There's an opportunity for a fresh start. Second one is identify the barriers that stand in your way. Now don't jump into trying to make a change. analyze the situation first and think strategically about the barriers to change. We're all business women on this call. We can think strategically. Instead, you know, don't rush in right into a solution trying to understand what's holding you back from achieving this goal. For me, it really was my overall health. You know, once I started working on just one part of it, just eating right, the rest really started falling into place. And another thing is the third thing is write down your plan and don't be afraid to tweak it. You know a big part of what we do here at AEM are trade shows. Now these are massive undertakings and you better believe everything is written down and we are constantly going back and analyzing what worked, what didn't, and tweaking those plans. And while our trade shows have finite deadlines, working on me does not. So it's okay to continuously tweak my plan as long as I continue working towards my final goal. Fourth thing is give advice. You know, I found giving advice and mentoring others helping me achieve my own goals. You know, as I've been shedding pounds and finding I have increased energy, people have been asking me, "How are you doing this?" You know, this is putting me in the role of mentor and if I fail, I'll feel hypocritical if I don't follow through on my own advice. Social media is also while it's surfing can be uh detrimental, it can be a great tool for sharing your success and finding support for your quest. And the final thing is be good to yourself. You know, constructive feedback is a better motivator than beating yourself up if you slip off up on something, you know, along the way. You know, once we are back to traveling on a consistent basis, you know, you'll be hearing the flight attendants instructions that if the air mask falls, put it on put it on yourself first and then help others around you because let's face it, you can't help others if you aren't getting what you need first. Next slide, please. I'd like to thank everybody for your time and remember, be good to yourself. Well, Sandra, thank you so much for that presentation, for sharing your story. You're welcome. Are there any questions? Yes, we've had a lot of questions that have come in. So, just as a reminder, I forgot to do the the call out. We've got about 300 people on the line today. And if any of you have dialed in directly and would like to ask a live question, you can hit five star and I will unmute you to ask a live question. But um here's a a few that have come in from our chat line. Um Mia asks, "What was the greatest challenge to overcome you had to overcome to get to your current position? Was there anything specific that helped you succeed?" My current position I I'm assuming uh professionally? Yes. Okay. Um, well, basically I've been in public relations for 20 plus years and um, I had worked at an insurance company prior to this. Prior to that, I worked for the state of Wisconsin, worked for advertising agencies, etc. And it was, uh, I was really just, you know, gaining additional experience, experience, experience. Um, I had a goal though when I was at my my previous job that I wanted to move into management. Now, my my direct supervisor, he was not planning on retiring anytime soon. And unfortunately, um, in communications, there usually aren't a lot of open management positions. you'll have to a lot of times you have to make lateral moves or move you know to a different um area of the company you know to get the experience that you want and then just kind of wait until you can get back into communications is that if that's truly your passion um and for me that really was my frustration point was that I could not get into those uh supervisory positions um despite doing as as HR kept telling telling me you're doing everything Right. But a lot of the people that you are interviewing with, they have a direct relationship with you and they know what you can do for the company and for their area and so that's why they prefer to keep you where you're at. Um so I ended up like I said leaving and I was very lucky to find this position um you know at AEM. Um I think it was just really right place, right time um you know for me to move. I think there was a higher power who was looking out for me and uh you know I was able to apply all of my various experience uh to my role here. It's um you know not only the media relations but it's public relations. Uh I get to be creative as far as different ideas and um it's it's really a good fit and I really like it here. Oh that's wonderful. Well, here's a fun question and I guess this is just your opinion on the on the situation. Alexis asks, "What is the future of trade shows? Are you involved with any in 2021?" Oh, that is a great question. And you know, Alexis, uh, trade shows, uh, you know, there's we've been doing, you know, virtual obviously for 2020 and for the start of of 21. um trade shows the need to interact face to face and you know be with your peers and network um and you know for us because it's heavy equipment trade shows you really need to see that stuff in person um so I think the future of trade shows is you know very strong and I think it will be back obviously it won't be the same as it was I think there'll be different precautions that are are being taken Um but I think it's an industry that uh will be back to somewhat normal in the future. And actually in 2021 we have uh coming up the utility exposition in uh Louisville, Kentucky. Um that is for um you know the line uh linemen and uh people who do underground work on the utilities basically who make you know our our life here in the United States possible. Um, so it's that's a great show. It used to be referred to as the demo expo because you're actually able to try out the machines before you bought them. So it is very cool. It's a really cool. So um, our next question comes from Courtney and Courtney says, "How do I successfully ask about work life balance in a job interview? I've read in reviews on Indeed and I see a few red flags. Let's see. If you are interviewing for a position, I would um I mean honestly I would ask it directly as far as you know what the company has done during the pandemic. Um you know ask about their culture. um ask about you know some of their strengths for their culture and maybe some things that they feel need to be improved upon. Um I think you can gauge from there with their answers as far as oh we we did xyz as far as involving employees in this or you know we did these special events or that type of thing. I think you can kind of gauge from that if there is really work life balance at the organization. Um, and then obviously if there is anybody uh within your uh uh LinkedIn, LinkedIn is a wonderful tool. Um, if you can see if there's anybody in your connections that work at that company currently or have worked at that company and reach out to them and ask them what they like about it. And if they left, I mean, you can very directly say, you know, so why aren't you with that organization anymore? Good advice. Thank you. Well, this is going to be our last question and then we're going to ask you for some final thoughts before we move on to our final panel of the day. And this question comes from Renee. And Renee says, "Prior to lockdown, I was achieving work life balance. Everyone knew I had a hard stop at for to pick up the children. After lockdown, I'm and working from home. I'm struggling. Any advice?" Oh boy. Um, obviously with with working from home, I'm assuming that you have uh the children at home. Um, hopefully they are are starting to get back into their routine. um with, you know, with kids when when my daughter was younger. Um what really helped her and she was actually homeschooled for a while um virtually was having that routine and basically, you know, we get up, we have breakfast, we do XYZ, we take a break, we have lunch, you know, and and that sort of thing. and just making sure that there is real structure uh going on in the household versus kind of a free-for-all. Um I I found I mean me personally as a parent I found that when I would do that with my daughter she thrived. Um and then unfortunately when she would go over to uh um you know her dad's uh he wasn't as structured when it came to that sort of thing. um you know, she would come back and she'd be a bit discombobulated. Um and I think it's also something where at work if you always had a hard stop at 4:00 to pick up the kids and you're not doing that anymore for whatever reason that they're still not in in daycare or school. Um you know, but you might need to do that. you know, my uh the PR manager that works for me, he um he does pick up the kids from school and he takes them to school, but I also get uh work from him a little bit later at night. uh which I I don't like um because it concerns me that he might be taking too much time away from family time and um you know that might be in the long run it might be a detriment um to me if you prove that you get your work done and um you know you're a responsible employee as as Selena said you know you show up on time um and and you do your job then to me you know your boss So, your co-workers should understand that, you know, hey, you've got other things at home that are going on. So, hopefully that answers your question. Yeah, a great answer. Well, as we as we wrap up, I'm going to ask you if you have any final words of wisdom to pass along to our listeners today. Oh gosh. Um, final words of wisdom. Um you know really it's you know knock on wood you know that that we are emerging from this pandemic and that uh you know my my piece of advice would be to you know try and maintain that work life balance that list of things that um I had listed out those those 10 different things um if anybody if you didn't take notes which is fine Um, if you want a copy of that article, if you if you'd like me to send you the link to it, you know, feel free to reach out to me on LinkedIn, we can connect and I'll share that with you. A lot of the advice that that she gives there um really resonates not just, you know, from the midst of the pandemic or emerging from it, but you know, in the future as far as setting expectations and, you know, family meetings and that sort of thing. I think it's really helpful. Um, and we need to be mindful of those things. Uh, you know, going forward and just really, you know, we need to be good to ourselves and take care of ourselves otherwise we can't take care of everybody else. Well, thank you for sharing. We appreciate the time you spent today. Well, thank you for having me.